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We pick back up the story. The impossible stood before us. A payment to move to the live list we weren’t sure how we would make and the looming overhang of expenses we knew were coming. And I cried on our living room couch. (And when I say cried, I mean the fearful, shaking kind). You see, we thought we’d have at least eight to twelve months before our names would be moved–time enough to hear back from grants we had applied for and to work hard at fundraising. But God shocked us with His timetable.

So–stripped of everything that we were–we came on our knees before our Father quite literally begging Him to show up.

The next morning we were still trying to figure out how we were going to make the payment when (on that very same couch) my phone vibrated. It was our agency. There was a cold call situation (meaning a baby had already been born) and we had less than an hour to decide whether or not we wanted our profile presented.

And to be presented, $8500 was due. 

In an unexpected 24 hours we had not only moved to the live list, realized the need for the next payment (as well as logistics to figure out how it would be paid), but a baby had also been born.

Our heads were spinning.

So in the hour we had to decide what we were going to do, we did what we could on the human level. We put $8500 on our credit card (which we never do), took a step of faith and had our profile presented.

I want to pause the story for just one sweet moment…

There are so many ways that God strengthened and deepened our marriage through these last few years in the fire, but one of my favorites was getting to experience and draw from Michael’s unwavering faith in our Lord. No matter how big the unknown or trial or need…Michael always, always had faith that our God was bigger.

This was one of those times.

He was unfazed by our current reality. Calm even. My heart was in a frantic state and instead of joining me, he wrapped his arms around me, sat beside me on the couch and reassured me of our God. He whispered truths we knew about His character. His closeness, his confidence and his prayers were faith building for me. Having him speak truths back into my life while living them out in his own gave my faith roots in a critical time in our story and inspired it to grow.

And just like Michael already knew, God was working.

That very same week we heard back from our fundraising agency that our application had been approved. Not just approved, but in a crazy strand of events only God could maneuver, moved 13 spots ahead so that we could get help during this time! (And ohhhh friends, wait until you hear about what God did in the next post…..)

Multiple more situations arose. (Which still blows us away since the year before there had been such a drop off in domestic infant adoptions). Whether the mom decided to parent, a family member stepped in or we didn’t have peace about having our profile presented, we remained on the live list unmatched. Then, on January 30th, we heard about a baby that was due in March.

We prayed together, read through the details we were given and in a way only God can, overwhelmed us with His peace to proceed with having our profile presented to this sweet mom. About a week later, we got yet another phone call.

I remember what it felt like as Michael and I sat across from each other, hovered over my cell phone that was on speaker. I remember barely breathing. Wanting to hear every syllable, every word our agency had to say. You see, much of adoption feels like this limbo of emotions. Will this be the time our family grows? Or will this phone call leave us processing disappointment and sadness and another heartache? But then we heard those words every couple dreams about…

“Your profile has been chosen.”

I don’t know how, but one hand had found it’s way over my mouth and the other over my heart. Our eyes lifted and locked on each others. And there mirrored opposite me, I realized we were both crying.

They proceeded with the details. With more information about this sweet mom. They told us her due date was pushed up. They told us she had picked out ours and one other couple’s profile, but she only wanted to meet us. Wait…

She wanted to meet us!?!

Crashing over every doubt, month of desperation, every year of waiting–hope flooded into every corner of my heart. The following week we’d be driving to Saint Louis to get to see the face of (quite possibly) the woman we’d spent hours praying over! It was a moment we dreamt about, but here, we were somehow living in it. It didn’t seem real.

As we sat down for lunch after we hung up, we held hands, bowed our heads and for the first time we prayed for her by name.

By name. 

And tears fell silently, without reserve down my face….