Three Years Backwards Pt. 1 | Personal

Even if I were to try (which I didn’t) there is no way possible that I could write this post in one sitting. There is too much on my mind. Too much to reflect on. Too much looking backwards to ponder, to feel all at once.

Every other week I meet with two of my dearest friends for coffee. I always tell Michael I’ll text him on my way home–but who are we kidding?! We all know that the three of us will be the last ones in Starbucks before they close. Not only has sharing life, sorrows, joys, & struggles been one of the deepest blessings, but these two women have taught me something so incredibly valuable. To look backwards. To reflect on what has happened. To ponder and process. My natural instinct is to reach for the next adventure. Not a bad thing in itself, but when I don’t stop to think about the adventure that I’ve been on I miss so many jewels. So many life truths. So many blessings.

So I’ve been looking backwards–on the years the Lord has given us here in Saint Louis, the jobs He has placed us at, the people He’s surrounded us with. And in no particular order I get to share these beloved gems with you.


Joy comes from God’s presence. Not circumstances. 

I’ve had the pleasure of struggling with this. There was a significant time about 6 months ago where I felt all joy was gone. For me, a naturally happy-go-lucky kinda gal, this was devastating. It wasn’t a “life is hard” feeling. It was so deep. Heart deep. In the perfect timing of the Lord, my dad in his deep wisdom emailed me one morning in the midst of the struggle. I remember sitting in my car outside of work crying. I’ll share a snippet….

“Mom has told me a little about the difficult time you are having.  To be honest, it is not a surprise to me, because it is God’s way of growing you.  Throughout your life you have always been cheerful and  full of joy and eager to bring those things into other’s lives.  It has been one of your strengths.  And the  reason the difficulties at work don’t surprise me is because as God grows each of us He eventually allows Satan to attack us at the point of our strength.  Why does He allow this?  Because God knows that the  best thing for us is to ALWAYS rely on Him… even in our “strength areas.”

So God allows trials to come till the “cup of ourselves” is drained.  But right there is where it really gets  awesome.  Because it is only as we are drained of ourselves that we are empty enough to be filled with  Christ; to have His strength made perfect in our weakness.  So that our walk becomes one of NEVER  relying on ourselves…even in our strong areas… but always holding up the empty cup of our lives crying  out for our Savior to fill us.”

(I think I’m about to start crying again…) My joy is not from me or what place I’m at. It was Christ filling me with HImself. So there’s the first look back. Joy. Life-giving, life-satisfying joy is Jesus Himself.

(Hehe…I’m starting to realize this is going to be a much lengthier series of posts than I originally thought. I went back and changed the title of this post to “part one”).

Relationships matter. 

Oh gosh. There is so much I could say about this one. The first 6 months to a year here in Saint Louis were hard. Like, really hard. Michael and I were newlyweds, figuring this whole marriage thing out. At that time I was working at Starbucks, waking up at 4 am and getting off at noon, then spent the afternoon by myself while Michael was in class. When he got home around 5 we’d eat dinner, talk for a bit then I’d head off to bed before I’d repeat the process. As Michael was developing new friends in his classes, I felt like a lone island.

But my friends, God is faithful. After months of praying, of desperately wanting a friend to share my heart with…God began bringing women into my life. Wonderful, kind, amazing women. Moving a couple three doors down from us–where our homes were revolving doors. We shared movie nights, snow days, and competitive games (guys vs. girls of course). God brought an unimaginably precious family to our church. I can say with complete honesty our time in Saint Louis has blossomed since we met them. There were times I went to her house thinking I was going to cheer her up–and ended up crying on the couch with a cup of tea in my hands.  Or times we sat in my car eating frozen custard, laughing at life. Times where she would bring her little ones to surprise me at work with a cup of coffee. Friends made at work back in our little “cubby” of the company. Days of sharing recipes, sharing stories, sharing life. My friend who one time together was all it took–we knew it would be lifelong. She sent me texts with truth on the days that I would need it most and weekly prayed for me. These were women who walked beside me–helped sustain me, uplift me, encourage me, refine me. My friends, life would be so different had not each of these women been a part of it. Relationships–they matter. They take time, but time well spent.

Learn to be a blessing. 

I learned this one from my mom. I watched here daily live this out growing up, but at that time I didn’t consciously realize that was what she was doing. Her life is a shining example of what I hope to be. My morning routine (yes every morning) includes a call to my mom on the way to work. I’m serious. And if we miss two days it’ll take us a good hour and a half to catch back up on life. And if we’re being completely honest, most of the time I call her on the way home as well. I remember one day in particular, I had gotten off work early. (Half days! Boy how I love them!) This certain day I had no plans. No photo shoots, no house to clean, no laundry to catch up on. Rare. And paralyzing.

I was talking with my mom (Muffie is her affectionate nickname in the family), asking her what I should do. Without missing a beat she says to me, “Lacey, be a blessing.” This is what she had done countless times growing up. And now I knew her secret.

So I’m sharing it with you. Learn to be a blessing. Learn to serve those around you. To impact lives of people that matter to you. Small things most often mean the most. Unexpected moments are most often especially remembered. I desire this trait. I long to let it dwell deep inside me so that it becomes a natural outpouring of my spirit. Like my mom.


….I think I’ll stick to those three for tonight friends. (Your eyes are probably tired from all the reading anyways! Sorry!) Like I said, lots to free–lots to feel. More to come!!!

P.S. Yes. I am wearing my husbands shirt. Hehe, as if I don’t already have enough clothes in my closest I’m starting in on Michaels! Thank you Kareen for inspiration and Mallory for the motivation. Our husbands wardrobes are shrinking! 😉